We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Too much gin, very little bucket
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
