I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
