Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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