11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
