the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Barsexuality is the new black.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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