Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Rumble strips road head = magical
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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