sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
