you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
