Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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