PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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