i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
