Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
