My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Well I just put wine in my tea
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
