You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
we made out on top of his cat.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
