cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize