I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
