She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
