Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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