Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Shame - the story of my life.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
