Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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