We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
