My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
