I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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