Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
