i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
