there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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