You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize