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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
