Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
