walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
