dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
