I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Let's paint friendship bongs
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize