at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
