and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
