he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
