come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
