We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
