don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
