im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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