Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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