is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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