she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
