I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
