oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
