you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
