just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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