the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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