thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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