We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
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