How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
