Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
