She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
