Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
