No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
