it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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