just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Randomize
