Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
