i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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