You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize