I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Slut skills are useful in every country.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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