I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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