Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i will never coherently bang her
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
