It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
how does that bad decision feel?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
