last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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