I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
