I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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