Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
