Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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