yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize