Moan for me like Helen Keller
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
