I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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