this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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