I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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