Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
