apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
