hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
