that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
