I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
