I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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