I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We left the knife in your bed.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
