weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
