She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
