I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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