she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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