So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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