There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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