No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
