It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
