I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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