I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
they call him Oral-B. enough said
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
