hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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