At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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