I look better un-naked...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
