i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
