i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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