i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The air was thick with penises
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I know her cup size but not her name....
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
