your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
