I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
