Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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